I gave up.
It all seemed too hard. Too much work. Not enough sleep. Toomany responsibilities. Not enough support (which is actually probably all in my head). Fear. Intimidation. Self-doubt. Did I mention fear?
Failure. What is failure when it comes to roller derby? When it comes to doing something for myself? Failure is giving up, which I have done.
In not facing my fears, in not rolling on, one of my biggest fears has come true. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I don’t even know where to go from here.
What I would love is a buddy to skate with. Just skate. No track. No freshmeat fears. Just fun. Because I want the girl in the picture back. Strong. Confident. Happy. Excited! I’ll even take the dorky, because let’s face it, I’m dorky.