The Sucky Last Few Days

Sometimes I feel like the universe conspires against me.

One step forward, two steps back.

I know the universe doesn’t conspire against me, of course. I know I am in control of my fate and my actions. I must learn from the mistakes I make, for they are made in order to teach me a lesson.

Everything happens for a reason.

I had a shitty kind of weekend. I mean, it wasn’t horrible, just annoying. My husband was occupied with some new music software – his break from reality. I was occupied with cleaning, a little work, writing, and trying to relax and get organized. And trying to give attention to the kids, who are bordering on insane after over a week of not feeling good.They did a lot of nagging, crying, and annoying and screaming at each other.

Fast forward to yesterday. I’m trying to balance an insanely busy schedule with having two kids home all week because the boy has another week off from school for winter break. I’m trying to be positive about this, and I think, it is not unreasonable for me to work until noon each day. I can’t take a whole week off of work right now. About twenty times in twenty minutes I had to say to the boy, “please stop nagging me about my iPod. I’m not downloading any more right now. I’m working. Play with it or something else.” And then came the Justin Bieber videos blaring in my ear and him wanting me to watch. Mind you, I’ve been nagged about the damn iPod all weekend. I’m over it. I lose it. I close my laptop a little too hard, and unhappily say, “Okay, fine, Ben, you have my attention, I will not work at ALL the WHOLE WEEK!”

We got over that, and I opened my laptop back up. Long story short, when I slammed it shut I damaged my hard drive. The combination of this and the fact that I have mistakenly not taken it or the baby with me a couple of times when I left the room for thirty seconds and she has managed to drop it, had really done a number on it. I worked on it all day yesterday and I have been working on it all morning today. Oh yeah, and I hadn’t backed up any files for quite some time. Like, a long time. So there’s that. Pictures are what I’m most worried about. I don’t know how I’m holding it together.

Live and learn.

The worst part is the anger I feel toward myself. That I couldn’t control my temper, and I hurt my son’s feelings. That I have potentially lost a lot of important information and memories because I was angry, or too busy, or stupid. Mostly stupid. That I’m probably going to cost myself money to fix the computer. Money I can’t afford and could have been spent elsewhere. I’m trying to stay positive, but some days I just want to throw in the towel.

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

 

About Laine

Elaine GriffinElaine Griffin (a.k.a. Laine) is a freelance WordPress designer, content creator, and speaker. She brings her background as a sociologist, advocate, and educator, to her work and her writing, which has been featured on BlogHer and The SITS Girls. On The Laine List she spills her guts about life, motherhood, and balancing work and family. She also sprinkles in some fun recipe and cocktail posts. On Elaine Griffin Designs, she writes easy to follow tutorials about WordPress, social media, SEO, and blogging.
Working from her home office in Finger Lakes Region of NY, Elaine, a wine lover, also enjoys the beauty of living in wine country!

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Comments

  1. says

    Don’t be too hard on yourself, Laine, I’ve been there too. So I do understand how you are feeling today. I was, well, kind of feeling like that this whole week (this morning). I signed up for February NaBloPoMo and have not been able to write all week. Sigh! Family obligations are pulling me from every direction. I told hubby that I don’t know who I am anymore, or what day it is. lol! (laughing is the best I can do right now)

    But I think it is wonderful that we are able to write about it. Sharing with other, like me, is a comfort, because we are not alone. :)

    Big hugs Amiga!
    ~Virginia

  2. says

    Oh man what a week you had. I know the mommy guilt all to well, some of the times I yelled in anger are still memories that I wish I could undo. But kids are resilient and you can use it as a learning tool to show that even mommies lose their tempers and look what happens when they do.

    I sure hope you can recover your files. Maybe something just rattled loose from dropping the laptop and you can fix it easily? Did you open it up? Do you use an online service for your photos? I put mostly the best on flickr so if I ever lose my hard drive at least there’s that. But I know what you are feeling, I’ve seen hubby fry more than a few hard drives with spilled drinks.

    So Laine, don’t be so rough on yourself. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that was last week and this is a new day. You are sweet kind and wonderful and every single one of us has weeks like you did. You will be able to help someone with their self doubt from reading your writing today.

    *hugs* and much love! Karen :)

    • Laine says

      Thank you, Karen!! We moms have to stick together, huh? It’s good to remind each other that we have all been there.
      Hugs to you!

  3. says

    Girl, we’ve all done it.. don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes we all need a little reminder that for now, we momrepreneurs just have to work in 20 minute windows. I hope it doesn’t end up costing you much and for heavens sake.. back your crap up. I learned the hard way a few years ago.
    Hang in there..

  4. says

    Oh, honey. What doesn’t kill us does make us stronger, even when it totally SUCKS ASS. I have done exactly that when Danica is tired or growing or just needs my attention and gets into that whole nagging routine that drives me totally batshit. I try to focus on what I’m trying to get done, and can’t because kids’ voices have evolved to cut through any sort of mental barriers. And then just LOSE IT. Slamming my hands down on the table or my desk and glaring and giving the clenched-jawed “You have my attention. WHAT DO YOU WANT?” Been there.
    I’m sure you know this, but if your data is critical, there are hard-drive recovery companies who can get most of your stuff back for you, for a price. Costly, but if you need it, you need it, right?

    • Laine says

      I could go out of my way to take time to spend just with Ben, and he doesn’t want anything to do with me. But when I need him to be quiet for a couple of hours, all he wants is my attention. What’s with that?
      I’m sending my computer off to an IT guy today. I hope he can rescue the info!

  5. says

    Aw, shucks. Hope the computer turns out okay. Sending you a hug. Would it make you feel better if I tell you I broke one of my favorite coffee mugs when I reached over to POUND the alarm clock this morning? Gee, all those light weights I’ve been lifting must be working– I am strong enough to crush coffee cups with a single mighty blow of my fist?!

  6. says

    That sucks. That said, I’ve done it too. Of course the yelling. But I’m talking the computer. I wish I could say I’d slammed it it shut though. That’d sound nicer. I hit my fist into the keyboard. Yes, late at night, something not working. Over and over again. Trying. Failing. Punch.

    Boy did that wake me up. The screen went -blip-bleek- and then I cried. Miracle upon miracle it worked again just fine the next morning after my husband pulled me away from it and made me breath fresh air. I hope your computer solves it’s problems and works again.

    Hugs. It’s a hard situation to try to work and raise kiddos. I’ve tried to ramp up my blog (aka post more than 2x’s a week) and it’s like suicide here. The whole homeplace becomes an unbearable place of guilt and imbalance. I wish you better so you can explain how to do it to others like me. :) Because I know it’s possible. Take care.

    • Laine says

      Wow! I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who has abused her computer! I feel so ashamed but I guess it’s time to move onward and upward!

      • says

        I did this the other night too. Got so frustrated when my wireless mouse quit working I banged the keyboard with my palm. It hurt me worst than it did the computer but that’s when I knew I needed to recognize my coping skills were low and I just needed to take a break.

        I hope you’re feeling better!

  7. says

    You know what Laine…laptops just don’t last that long so don’t be too hard on yourself. When I was an auditor at a cpa firm, we went through laptops like crazy and the IT guy told me they really aren’t made to last years.

    I hope you can recover your stuff, I’ll cross my fingers and toes for you …btw, with your new drive or computer, backup (I learned the hard way, my prior macbook drive burned out on me and I lost many random and unpublished writing pieces I had done including a great series…my life in clothes). I use the time machine for my backups.

  8. says

    Hey sista, sorry about the laptop. Mine burnt up in the summer before I got off about 3K pics. But I have a genius friend who does, get this … nuclear medicine machine troubleshooting for GE. He got all of them off and put them to cd’s. He actually got everything off in terms of documents and all. I’m sure it can be recovered. Don’t fret.

    Worse case, send it to me and I’ll have him recover whatever he can. Just say the word, CrazyEyeris!! ;)

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