The One Where I Spill My Guts About My Son’s Behavior

I’m going to be honest with you guys. I’m really tired of my son.

The level of disrespect and general level of unhappiness is becoming so distressing that I’m barely functioning as his mother. I don’t want to be around him. I don’t want to do anything for him.

I’ve given this so much thought – maybe too much. What am I doing wrong? Why is he so unhappy? Is he depressed? Do we have a real issue here?

I don’t have the answer. He is generally a normal, happy boy. Until it comes to me or his father. The way he treats us is just…horrifying. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is ever right. Ever enough.

Why? How did we create this person who disrespects, demands, and blames us for everything? How did he become so…spoiled?

What do you do when all you want to do is scream, and cry, and hit, and run away?

What do you do when it’s always just boiling. Festering.

When the last thing you want to hear is anyone’s voice. Whether disrespecting, whining, asking, needing.

When you can’t for the LIFE of you imagine what else they could possibly need. What you AREN’T doing?

When the more you give them, the more they want. The more they complain. The more they tell you they hate you. What a terrible mother you are.

Who am I raising? And what am I doing wrong. Isn’t the way he treats me a reflection on my motherhood?

I love him so much. This is not the mother I wanted to be. I wanted to be the mother who has long talks, and listens, and encourages moving away from the norm. Using imagination, experimentation. Trial and error.

But I’m not.

I’m the mother who needs strict adherence to the rules. The routine. Do it now the way I want it done before my head blows off.

I don’t know why. Because I work from here, and I need some level of understanding and order? Because I just need people to not be contradictory even for just a little while?

I don’t know. But please tell me I’m not alone. And that it will be okay.

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About Laine

Elaine GriffinElaine Griffin (a.k.a. Laine) is a freelance WordPress designer, content creator, and speaker. She brings her background as a sociologist, advocate, and educator, to her work and her writing, which has been featured on BlogHer and The SITS Girls. On The Laine List she spills her guts about life, motherhood, and balancing work and family. She also sprinkles in some fun recipe and cocktail posts. On Elaine Griffin Designs, she writes easy to follow tutorials about WordPress, social media, SEO, and blogging.
Working from her home office in Finger Lakes Region of NY, Elaine, a wine lover, also enjoys the beauty of living in wine country! Read more about Elaine...

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Comments

  1. Nope. You’re not alone. Not by a long shot. There are days where I can’t stand to hear ANY of them and when they all get going at the same time? I want to run away and take up a new identity. These are trying times for all of us. I’m sure we’re not the only family struggling to make ends meet and when you add this kind of kid-chaos to the mixture, it becomes too much to bear. These are the people that are supposed to bring us the sunshine in our day and when it’s the total opposite it’s no wonder we get so upset. I don’t know.. .maybe we have too high of expectations? They are human, after all. Hang in there girlie.. it’s got to get better for all of us.
    Kristen Daukas recently posted..Losing a Friend on TwitterMy Profile

    • “They are human after all.” So true. It’s so hard to forget, which is crazy. We are supposed to be the one’s with the perspective. The patience. But, we are only human too. And you are right, these are trying times. And trying to find this happiness, and this balance, is just not that easy.
      Thanks, Kristen, for making me feel like I’m not alone!

  2. You’re not alone at all, but I thank you for your honesty. It’s hard to see seemingly perfect kids and families and wonder if any of them are going through the same things you are. There have been many times when I have considered how easy it would be to drive past the store on shopping day and just keep going. It’s so hard. You’re venting in your blog post, not asking for advice, and I wouldn’t know where to start even if you were but I will tell you this: Take care of yourself. The better you feel, the easier it is to deal.
    Colyn Martin recently posted..Another Finished Object Friday (On Sunday!)My Profile

    • Thanks Colyn, it’s nice to know I’m not alone! We actually had a decent day yesterday. It was nice not having the constant struggle!

  3. I am in the same boat. I love my son to death, but living with him seems so impossible lately. He is very young (soon to be 5 in January) but mature for his age and able to speak his mind very well. Sounds like a good thing, right? It is, until he uses this talent to talk back and be fresh like a 10-year-old. Everything becomes a debate and fight, ending with him slamming his door while yelling life isn’t fair and I am just not being a nice mom.

    Thanks for sharing. Sometimes in the throws of it, it helps to remember we aren’t alone. How old is your son?

    • Hi Kathleen, thanks for stopping by and sharing your story.
      It does help to remember we are not alone, but I hate that other people go through it!
      My son is six and a half.

  4. It’s not you, it’s their own unique personalities and the fact that they are not emotionally mature enough to handle their feelings and their own demands yet. Believe it or not, I felt the same way about my son at that age and now as a teen? He’s a great kid. If anyone had told me he’d be easier as a teen than a six year old, I’d have told them they were crazy though. Hang in there, one day at a time. :)
    Leanne recently posted..Just pass the cookies…My Profile

  5. you are not alone….. everything you just wrote, it is like I could have written it about myself and my son AT THIS VERY MOMENT IN TIME. He is almost 17, thinks he is 20 and acts like he is 12. I am at a loss. Currently in a battle at this moment and it has been going on for months—-but came to a head 4 weeks ago. I am drowning over here……..

  6. To quote my mother – “The thing about family is you have to love them BUT you don’t have to like them.” There were times she told me and my sister “I don’t like you right now”. Charlie is 7 1/2 and yeppers, right there with you some days. Last year we banned Disney tween shows and SpongeBob because of the attitude Charlie started giving when he started watching those shows.

    No advice other than you are not alone.
    Elizabeth recently posted..Quick Survey for BlogHer TV- pretty please?My Profile

    • It’s so true, isn’t it. “I love you, but I don’t like you.” And you are so right about those Disney shows! Seriously bratty and inappropriate characters!

  7. I am so sorry… since i am not a mom, I have no advice, but from dealing with friends and family, I know you are not alone…
    Feeling Beachie – Hilary recently posted..Images on television don’t prepare youMy Profile

  8. Oh girl, you are not alone at all. My son is 18 and I have felt like that for probably 12 years. I’m at a loss also….wish I had some good words for you, but I don’t. I always wanted the perfect family, but we are far from it. I wish you the best of luck with your son.

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