Why I will be bedazzling myself some earmuffs for this coming summer

I am afraid. I mean, very afraid. Some people say I have an “irrational fear” of moths. I say to them, “are you consistently and systematically attacked by moths?” Okay then.

Sneaking out  is where my story of rational fear of moths begins. I opened my window to sneak out one night and a big-AZZ moth flew at my head. My face. My person. It looked like this:

big AZZ moth
This is what the big-AZZ moth that attacked me looked like. Thank you The Jones Edition, for this pic.

Shaken to my core, I managed to muffle my screams and sneak out anyway. But that moth left a dusty mark on my young soul. And since then, as I previously mentioned, I have been consistently and systematically been attacked by moths. Just ask anyone and they will tell you. It’s as if I have a halo of light around my pretty little head that these moths just can’t resist. I say to them, “don’t go toward the light!” They don’t  listen. Because they want to eat me.

So last might my sister told me a story that further rocked me to my core. She calmly and gently instructed me to put both hands on the wheel – yeah, I was driving and talking but my quiet conversation time is limited to when I’m in the car alone. But anyway.

She says, “Are you emotionally and physically ready for this? This was going to be a doozy.

I say, “yes, OMG, what is going on?

“Do not say anything until I finish my sentence.” She begins to laugh.

“So, this guy I work with – his aunt – she had to go to the emergency room because a moth flew into her ear. And it wouldn’t stop flopping around. And she couldn’t get it out.”

“OMFG.”

At this point I am filled with nothing but shock and nervous laughter. I mean, I didn’t even know this was a possibility. HOW DID THIS NEVER OCCUR TO ME? Can they crawl in your ears at night? Kinda like how we all eat 8 spiders every year? Which is not true, by the way.

I have been researching this shizz all morning, and there is very little information on the subject of moths crawling in ears, mouths, or noses, specifically.

I did, however, run into a couple of humorous stories on gawker.com, which is now my new favorite website. One story is about a moth flying into the ear of a cardinals outfielder Matt Holliday. The other is about a moth crawling into the ear of a 12-year old by, and what you should do if, or WHEN this happens to you.  What caught my attention about this article when browsing my Google search results was the line “we now have a clear protocol on what to do when a moth crawls into your ear.” Thank you, higher power. This is EXACTLY what I’m looking for, right!? Well, not exactly, but I’m sure glad I found it. You can thank me later for those tasty tidbits.

I still have not found any concrete numbers on the frequency of moth-ear infestations. If anyone can point me in the right direction that would be great. In the meantime, since we know what to do if it happens, I need to formulate a plan to take preventative measures, because this is sure to happen to me. So, I have decided I need to make homemade bedazzled earmuffs. Hello, form AND function! BA-LING! I LOVE YOU SO! I really need to get on this because there is only approximately 6-months until full-on moth season in Upstate New York!

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