The Sucky Last Few Days

Sometimes I feel like the universe conspires against me.

One step forward, two steps back.

I know the universe doesn’t conspire against me, of course. I know I am in control of my fate and my actions. I must learn from the mistakes I make, for they are made in order to teach me a lesson.

Everything happens for a reason.

I had a shitty kind of weekend. I mean, it wasn’t horrible, just annoying. My husband was occupied with some new music software – his break from reality. I was occupied with cleaning, a little work, writing, and trying to relax and get organized. And trying to give attention to the kids, who are bordering on insane after over a week of not feeling good.They did a lot of nagging, crying, and annoying and screaming at each other.

Fast forward to yesterday. I’m trying to balance an insanely busy schedule with having two kids home all week because the boy has another week off from school for winter break. I’m trying to be positive about this, and I think, it is not unreasonable for me to work until noon each day. I can’t take a whole week off of work right now. About twenty times in twenty minutes I had to say to the boy, “please stop nagging me about my iPod. I’m not downloading any more right now. I’m working. Play with it or something else.” And then came the Justin Bieber videos blaring in my ear and him wanting me to watch. Mind you, I’ve been nagged about the damn iPod all weekend. I’m over it. I lose it. I close my laptop a little too hard, and unhappily say, “Okay, fine, Ben, you have my attention, I will not work at ALL the WHOLE WEEK!”

We got over that, and I opened my laptop back up. Long story short, when I slammed it shut I damaged my hard drive. The combination of this and the fact that I have mistakenly not taken it or the baby with me a couple of times when I left the room for thirty seconds and she has managed to drop it, had really done a number on it. I worked on it all day yesterday and I have been working on it all morning today. Oh yeah, and I hadn’t backed up any files for quite some time. Like, a long time. So there’s that. Pictures are what I’m most worried about. I don’t know how I’m holding it together.

Live and learn.

The worst part is the anger I feel toward myself. That I couldn’t control my temper, and I hurt my son’s feelings. That I have potentially lost a lot of important information and memories because I was angry, or too busy, or stupid. Mostly stupid. That I’m probably going to cost myself money to fix the computer. Money I can’t afford and could have been spent elsewhere. I’m trying to stay positive, but some days I just want to throw in the towel.

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

 

SOC Sunday: Fate, Organization, and Inspiration

Ahhh, the house is finally reasonably clean. Laundry is spinning and tumbling. We are fed, and each doing our own thing.

I was going to work this weekend, but I just can’t bring myself to live like that anymore. I have created my own fate – by working my ass off – early mornings, weekends, and what have you. This has been a crazy week, and things I’ve been working for are now starting to come to fruition. Now that opportunity is knocking at my door I just feel like I deserve to give more of myself to my family and well, myself!

So my goal for myself on the weekends is to spend quality time, and also stay (or get) organized. It really makes such a difference during the week.

I’ve been pretty inspired lately to keep organized. I have to say I’ve been inspired by Pinterest. (Follow me!) Man, now that I’ve gotten into it I can see how it’s kind of a little like crack for some (me). I’ve also been inspired to start my creativity journal, which I have been wanting to start for literally two years. I think I’ll document the progress on the blog, so stay tuned!

So I am off for now, but it is a three day weekend, so this is really more like Saturday, right? So tomorrow I will organize for the week. No school. EEEK!!!

This was my Stream of Consciousness post, hosted by All.Things.Fadra. Go on over there and explore!

The Versatile Blogger Award, a crazy day, and why are 5 year-olds so rude?

Versatile Blogger Award
Versatile Blogger Award

Yo, yo, YO! I’m happy to announce I was awarded the Versatile Blogger Award! I’m stoked to be honored with this, and I would love to thank my friend and fellow blogger MJ Monaghan for bestowing this upon me. I am going to check out the other awardees soon, as well as fulfill the blogging obligations that go along with this honor. Which I think is super fun! Please go check out his blog, and all the other blogs he nominated!

Usually I try to post earlier in the day, but I got swamped! I was going to do a wordless Wednesday post, and post my 12 goals in 12 months visual that I’ve been thinking of creating, (Thank you Nancy from Midlife Mixtape!) but I never had time to do the visual. *sigh* I was going to follow it with a discussion of my new business plan, which I think is very exciting!  Maybe next week? I am happy to say that I am finally able to think clearly and figure out how I can make marry blogging with my graphic and web design business, Elaine Griffin Designs. Part of my new business plan involves super awesome theme customization. I’m working on The Laine List and my very sorely neglected industry blog, plus a couple of other blogs in this week and next. I’m becoming an expert on the in’s and out’s and versatility of the Twenty Eleven theme from WordPress. I love this theme. So many awesome features and plug-in options! It’s versatile, adaptable, and just plain AWESOME!

Anyway, A LOT is happening business-wise, and I’m crossing my fingers that business is picking up. And if it does, it just makes me super gladder to have been laying the groundwork to maintain peace and balance in my home/office!  Maybe someday I can have only one job! Rock on!

Observation: 5 year-old’s are the meanest, rudest, most ungrateful monsters on the planet. At least mine is. I love that boy to death, but I will tell you what. I’m beyond tired of being talked back to, told no, and generally argued with. AND TODAY HE “WHATEVER” ‘ed me. RAGE!!

Today came and went so quickly. I feel like I’m on a crazy train. Do you ever feel that way?

Balancing work, children, and a relationship is impossible

Rosie
Rosie does it all!

There, I said it. It is nearly impossible to do all of this, and this balancing act is my number one stresser, right after money. Money, which is why I have to work, and why I have to balance all of this.

My attempt at balancing goes something like this. I get up to work between four and five a.m. every weekday. Not only do I need that time so I can get it all done, but it is generally my only quiet time. This makes for a very long day, but it’s worth it. Then generally by 7:15 at the latest, I have to stop what I’m doing and snap into mommy/wife mode – getting everyone up and dressed, getting breakfast and lunches made, and usually trying to get myself dressed and my own teeth brushed. By 9:00 I’m back at it, but I’m in dual mode – work and mommy mode to a very high-energy, high-needs, climbing, getting into things, throwing things around, fit-having toddler. I try to be done with work by 3:45 when my son gets off the school bus. This requires skills in general awareness of time and time management. It doesn’t always happen. Sometimes, MOST of the time, I have some wrapping up to do. And then it is time to start dinner. And then the kids go to bed. And then I go to bed. And my husband is up, by himself, because he doesn’t get up until 7:00 a.m. And not only have I not accomplished everything I want to do, but I feel like I have left everyone’s needs behind. Including my own. The short answer to how I balance it all is I don’t. I do the best I can and I spend most of my family time on the weekends. I don’t balance, I juggle. And as soon as I think I’ve everything under relative control, it all changes.

Overall, I am overjoyed to be able to be home with and for my kids and to be able to do what I love. Even though it is a high-pressure situation, I am afforded flexibility I would not otherwise have. What does rub me the wrong way though, is why it is up to the almost 69% of married, working mothers in the U.S. to figure out how to balance work, children, and a relationship. How many times are men asked how they balance it all? I never see this on the cover of any men’s magazine. How worried are men about arranging their work schedule so it meets everyone’s needs? So they still have time to clean, fold the laundry, plan and cook meals? How many times do they wonder when they can squeeze in a shower? Do they constantly feel like they are leaving someone’s needs behind, while rarely considering their own? I honestly don’t know if men worry about these things. I suppose they have their own set of stressers that we don’t understand. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if I had a husband who didn’t help!

Do you see these questions being addressed to men? If so, point me in the right direction!