Who’s having a pity party? This girl!!!

woman screaming by Bibliothèque de Toulouse on Flickr

woman screaming by Bibliothèque de Toulouse on Flickr

This morning I’m having one of those mom-fail, pity party mornings.

So, I never get a chance to sleep in. I’m either up starting my work day at around 4:00 am, and/or I’m the one who gets up with the kids when they get up at the azz-crack of dawn any given day of the week.

So yesterday morning, as I’m eyeball deep in work at 5:30, the baby wakes up. Won’t go back to sleep. I’m sorry, but for me, that is too early! For someone who doesn’t really nap well, that makes for mommy, an almost 12 hour day. Alone with children. While working. My husband got up around 6:00 to help out, but by that time, I’ve already been super-annoyed, not totally loving and supportive, stressed-out, then crying-out-of-guilt mommy.

This morning, my husband gets up at approximately 5:30 again with her, after I’ve battled it out since 5:00, when my son woke up screaming for me through a dream.

And they played downstairs happily in the living room, while I was working at the dining room table. So I cry. Here we go with the guilt again. But now I feel sorry for myself, too. And all I can think is, “I just want to play happily. I just want to greet my children with a hug and a smile. Not an annoyed and frustrated, ‘ssshhhh! It’s not time to get up! You’ll wake (your brother, your sister, your dad).’”

It’s frustrating. It’s this stupid too-small house with the too-thin walls. It’s the light sleepers. It’s the part-time work I have to piece together in order to make staying at home work. It’s the time, patience, and dedication required when starting and growing a business. Required to find me. Required to find how this all works for our family.

But then I have to think, as I’m sure you all are, “PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND MOVE ON!”

I guess it does work, even if it is hard. I know how lucky I am, even though sometimes I let the stress get to me and I feel like throwing in the towel. Our home is more than livable, even if it is small. We have income. I have two beautiful children and a husband who shares in the responsibility of monitoring them.

Haha, sometimes that’s what it feels like, you know? I’m just a monitor. A 24-hour monitor.

Every person has these moments, parent or not. What do you do to get through these times?

About Laine

Elaine GriffinElaine Griffin (a.k.a. Laine) is a freelance WordPress designer, content creator, and speaker. She brings her background as a sociologist, advocate, and educator, to her work and her writing, which has been featured on BlogHer and The SITS Girls. On The Laine List she spills her guts about life, motherhood, and balancing work and family. She also sprinkles in some fun recipe and cocktail posts. On Elaine Griffin Designs, she writes easy to follow tutorials about WordPress, social media, SEO, and blogging.
Working from her home office in Finger Lakes Region of NY, Elaine, a wine lover, also enjoys the beauty of living in wine country! Read more about Elaine...

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Comments

  1. Yesterday I had a bad day. When I arrived home at the end of the day I was miserable. My son ran to the car to greet me, Miss Sour Puss. Miss Bitch. He saw my face and immediately said “Why aren’t you happy to see me?” I burst in to tears. To answer your last question, I drink.

  2. I was never, ever, good at being woken up in the middle of the night. I’m not now, nor have I ever been, a morning person. My children have suffered because of that, I’m sure. I’ve been a SAHM for over 13 years and it’s been a roller coaster of ups and downs. I do/don’t miss working, I do/don’t miss having to balance it, I did/didn’t drive me crazy to be home with them all day, it did/didn’t make me angry that hubby got to escape or travel for work while I didn’t. See…ups/downs, good/bad. It was easier for me, because when I really felt that I couldn’t handle one more thing, I didn’t have to balance a business on top of everything. I don’t have any advice, other than to say I think you are doing just fine. I think your kids will grow up to know that you love them and they’ll grow up to be resilient, flexible and understand the value of balance in home/life/work. That being said, I am all for the occasional pity party that you share with your friends so that we can tell you to keep pluggin away and that we think you are great and doing just fine…despite how you might see it. AND…I think adding Derby to the mix will help work out some of that angst. GO DERBY!

    • Ha, Melissa, I’m sure your kids didn’t suffer because you had a hard time getting up! I know exactly what you mean about ups and downs, good and bad. Thanks for having such faith in me, especially when I have little in myself! But, today is another (and a better) day.
      GO DERBY!!!

  3. I have those moments all of the time especially when the kids were much smaller. My husband was on the road a lot for work and I did have feelings of resentment when I had to get out of bed for the umpteenth time. The first few years were a sleepy haze but we somehow got through it :)

    • You know, I don’t know if it would be harder or easier if my husband traveled. I’ve often wondered. I mean, there is the stress of being alone, but at least you KNOW you are alone. IDK. Like you, I’m sure we’ll get through!

  4. Oh, I’ve had those days. When a bad sleep for me and an early morning for them, and too much to do in not enough time, and a mess of people in a house that never seems big enough, and stuff EVERYWHERE, and endless cleaning and mountains of laundry and just so much STUFF…. Yes, I can relate. And those big girl panties can be elusive. I don’t think a little pity party is a bad thing. (And chocolate helps, too.) I hope today is better!

    • Desi, I can’t even imagine doing what you do! Oh wait, yes I can. Been there, done that, very literally lost my mind!!!
      Chocolate did help, as a matter of fact, as did getting out alone, and drinking wine, and today is much better. I hope your day is going well!

  5. I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. And I doubt any of us reading thought you should put on your big girl panties and move on.

    What I do (I don’t have kids but I still have melt downs) is treat myself to a cathartic cry and then make myself take a 15-minute walk in the outdoors for fresh air and vitamin d. Oh yeah, and I drink wine.

    • Hahaha! Yeah, I always have that cry. I had a breakdown that night. Not.pretty. And wine, yes, yes, the wine. I need to start getting outside more!

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