This morning I’m having one of those mom-fail, pity party mornings.
So, I never get a chance to sleep in. I’m either up starting my work day at around 4:00 am, and/or I’m the one who gets up with the kids when they get up at the azz-crack of dawn any given day of the week.
So yesterday morning, as I’m eyeball deep in work at 5:30, the baby wakes up. Won’t go back to sleep. I’m sorry, but for me, that is too early! For someone who doesn’t really nap well, that makes for mommy, an almost 12 hour day. Alone with children. While working. My husband got up around 6:00 to help out, but by that time, I’ve already been super-annoyed, not totally loving and supportive, stressed-out, then crying-out-of-guilt mommy.
This morning, my husband gets up at approximately 5:30 again with her, after I’ve battled it out since 5:00, when my son woke up screaming for me through a dream.
And they played downstairs happily in the living room, while I was working at the dining room table. So I cry. Here we go with the guilt again. But now I feel sorry for myself, too. And all I can think is, “I just want to play happily. I just want to greet my children with a hug and a smile. Not an annoyed and frustrated, ‘ssshhhh! It’s not time to get up! You’ll wake (your brother, your sister, your dad).’”
It’s frustrating. It’s this stupid too-small house with the too-thin walls. It’s the light sleepers. It’s the part-time work I have to piece together in order to make staying at home work. It’s the time, patience, and dedication required when starting and growing a business. Required to find me. Required to find how this all works for our family.
But then I have to think, as I’m sure you all are, “PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND MOVE ON!”
I guess it does work, even if it is hard. I know how lucky I am, even though sometimes I let the stress get to me and I feel like throwing in the towel. Our home is more than livable, even if it is small. We have income. I have two beautiful children and a husband who shares in the responsibility of monitoring them.
Haha, sometimes that’s what it feels like, you know? I’m just a monitor. A 24-hour monitor.
Every person has these moments, parent or not. What do you do to get through these times?