On Kegels, Vagina Dentata, Vaginal Weights, and Squats

Cosmopolitan (magazine)I was probably 12 or 13 when Cosmopolitan Magazine first taught me about my pelvic floor. Well, more accurately, they taught me about kegels, and how all women should be doing them to strengthen their pelvic floor, and also their vaginas! A pelvic floor should be strong. And so should our vaginas!

Shhhh, don’t tell anyone, but a strong vagina is the secret to pleasing YOUR MAN!!

Wait, what? Like, Vagina Dentata?

No, that would be too scary! Plus that is just some sort of weird, paranoid male fantasy and/or guilt complex.

Although I do find Vagina Dentata fascinating in a witnessing  a horrific accident kind of way. Have you ever seen the movie “Teeth?” It’s a gem – run, don’t walk to find it on Netflix today!


Obviously, I was very passionate about my feminist ideals at 12 or 13, so I decided to write off kegels forever! If I’m going to be strong, it’s going to be for me. Plus, let’s face it, vaginas are invincible, yo!

Have you ever seen the quote by Betty White,

Betty White at the Time 100 gala in 2010

“Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”

When she’s right, she’s right, folks.

Then this morning, I ran across this article on Facebook:”Stop Doing Kegels: Real Pelvic Floor Advice For Women (and Men).”Although I did read the article (it was mostly about pregnancy) I didn’t really need to. They had me at stop doing kegels, and the best part of the article was this quote by Katy Bowman, whose research influenced the article:

“Tighter does not equal stronger. It’s just tighter.”

See, even as a tween, I knew kegels weren’t the way to make me stronger.

Moral of the story? Put away your vaginal weights ladies, because apparently doing squats is really all you need to do to strengthen up your vagina errr pelvic floor. Plus, you’ll have really strong legs!

But ssshhh, don’t tell anyone!

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About Laine

Elaine GriffinElaine Griffin (a.k.a. Laine) is a freelance WordPress designer, content creator, and speaker. She brings her background as a sociologist, advocate, and educator, to her work and her writing, which has been featured on BlogHer and The SITS Girls. On The Laine List she spills her guts about life, motherhood, and balancing work and family. She also sprinkles in some fun recipe and cocktail posts. On Elaine Griffin Designs, she writes easy to follow tutorials about WordPress, social media, SEO, and blogging.
Working from her home office in Finger Lakes Region of NY, Elaine, a wine lover, also enjoys the beauty of living in wine country!

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  1. says

    My vision isn’t what it used to be, so I misread your title as starting with the word Bagels, not Kegels. That frankly terrified me, so of course I read the whole thing twice. Kegels are the work of the devil– I’m so glad we agree!

  2. Kirk Griffin says

    Congratulations and nice job my wife! So strange, I was just reading about doing exercises to strengthen MY pelvic floor… maybe we need to talk? 😉

  3. says

    Oh my goodness, I had never heard of kegels until today. I must have missed that issue of Cosmo – thank goondess my 12-year-old self happened to be looking the other way, because I’m sure the concept would have totally messed with my head. Yikes! Thanks for bringing this issue to my attention in a funny/not scary way, though. 😉 Speaking of scary, the movie “Teeth” is fabulous and freaky. Did you know that many film critics believe “Jaws” is so scary because of the Vagina Dentata phenomenon? All this is to say: Betty White is right, vaginas have the real power.

    • Laine says

      Jennifer, I can’t believe you missed that issue! Well, now you know. :) I’m so glad you do know about vagina dentata, though, AND you have seen “Teeth!” I think we are limited in numbers.
      That is SO interesting about “Jaws!” I didn’t know that, but I’m going to google it. It’s all starting to make so much sense…

  4. says

    YAY! I can finally get over my guilt over not doing kegels! I’d gladly do some squats to keep from peeing every time I sneeze. Thanks for the good laugh!

    Stopping by from SITS Girls-glad I found you!

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