My kids have been driving me absolutely nuts these last couple of weeks. What’s new, right?
I don’t know what it is. Post-holiday wishing for more?
OMG we have cabin fever, where the hell is the snow it’s February in Upstate New York, and all we have to play in is mud?
We are just Ass Holes because we are 1.5 and 5.5 and we are supposed to annoy our parents?
Mommy is going through a period of serious self-doubt and stress, so we are feeding off of it?
I don’t know why they are making me crazy. Who cares, it doesn’t matter.
I will tell you what DOES matter, though. In the last few days, I have had two of the winningest parenting moments of my life.
Little ultimate rewards, that make being a mom the best job in the world.
Last night, while snuggling the boy to bed, he spontainiously threw his arms around my neck and whispered in my ear, “You are a great mom.” I can’t tell you how much that soothed my RAGGED soul. It was literally like the angels sang in my ear. I am not the mother I wanted to be to him, so to hear him say that was the best gift I could ever ask for.
Tonight as my husband and I sat talking too loudly in our too small house, right outside the bedrooms where the boy and girl sleep. The boy would sleep through a nuclear disaster. The girl can’t sleep through me even thinking about peeing. In the bathroom that is also right next to her room.
Anyway, we “adults” got talking and we spoke over a whisper and she woke up. Oh no. She could be up for the next several hours. It’s 10:00 pm. Seriously. But instead, she whined a little and called in a gentle Road House Rosie voice, “maaammmmaaa!” And then she rolled over and went back to sleep.
But she called me, and after the initial deer in headlights moment, I didn’t care. Because she called me. And at that point, she could have been up all night, and I would have been happy to rock the night with her.
Because in spite of me, she called ME.
In spite of me, they love ME.
And in these two moments, two pure moments, I am reminded about why I do what I do. Why I stay home. Why I am a mother. It’s hard, and sometimes, no, a LOT of times, it sucks. But not today.