In Pursuit of Crazy Eyeris: Ready for a Derby Girl Beating

My first open skating session before Freshmeat workshops begin is exactly one week away. ILWR offers two open skate sessions prior to Freshmeat workshops. During these sessions I will learn basics such as form, falls, stops, and strength training.

The next time I write about Crazy Eyeris, I will be heading off to skate that night. And now I’m more excited than nervous.

As you all know I’ve been worried about my skating (in)abilities, but of course you know I was pro-active about the situation.

Crazy Eyeris meets shit head-on, and she dares you to get in her way.

So we packed up our kidlets on Saturday, and drove an hour to a skating rink so I could skate.

It was pretty awesomeballz.

I fell once. Right on my ass. But I did not allow myself to be upset or embarrassed. Every one falls, and Crazy Eyeris doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks.

But I can skate. Not what I would say well, but I can skate.

It was a little bit frustrating at first – there were a lot of really obnoxious kids bobbing and weaving in front of me the whole time. But that’s good practice, right? And soon enough, I left thoughts of prepping for derby behind and just had fun skating with my family.

I love the feeling of gliding along the floor. Controllably out of control.

The boy skated, and has been bitten by the skating bug. He wants to go back next week, which I think we will. Only three more years until he’s old enough for Junior Derby!!

I’m slowly but surely giving up the need to be super awesome the moment I arrive at the open skating next week. Just tryin’ to be real, it ain’t happening, and that’s okay.

And really, when I stop to think about it, the pure fact that I am doing this makes me super awesome. The ILWR skaters are kind and loving sisters who are going to kick my ass. Derby love.

Crazy Eyeris can’t wait to feel the love of a good derby girl beating.


  1. says

    This is so terrific! I’m glad you got a chance to get out there and skate somewhere aside from your kitchen to gain some confidence in your abilities. Rock it, Sister!

  2. Kandi Koated says

    ALWAYS fall forward and fall small. Fingers tucked into fists. A rolled-over finger sucks. Been there. It’s better to take a knee than break your tailbone. Keep your elbows tucked to your ribs to keep from flailing. Did I mention falling forward?
    Protetive Gear. What’ve you got for knees/elbows/wrists/head/teeth?
    Mouthguard. Being able to talk with one in is awesome. I love my ProTech mouthguard. I used a horrid bulky one for 10 months and would not dream of going back. I can talk, I can breathe, I no longer drool. It’s awesome. Also, white looks best in photos.
    Gumball toestops. Superawesome. It’s so much easier to Tomahawk stop and run on them.
    Using others’ kids as weaving practice at public rinks is awesome. Really helps with control, juking, stopping, cutting.
    You are AWESOME. Derby is AWESOME. Nothing like grabbing the bull by the horns! Most importantly, HAVE FUN.

    • Laine says

      Shit, I need to get a mouthguard for tonight!
      I’m borrowing gear tonight and next week, but by the end of the month I should be able to buy my gear. Do you have suggestions?
      I’m really excited to go tonight. Scared too!

  3. Kandi Koated says

    Aaaand don’t forget to dowload your rules from or order the rule book. Additionally, the Roller Derby Rule of the Day is a great facebook page. The discussions on the rules are usually pretty interesting. I am pretty sure there’s an iPhone WFTDA Rules app, too.

    • Laine says

      Oooh, I do subscribe to the Roller Derby Rule of the Day. Good stuff there!
      I will download the WFTDA Rules. Wonder if there is an app for Android?

  4. Kandi Koated says

    WOW. “Awesome” was my word-of-the-day yesterday! I haven’t found a rules app for the Android yet, which is totally lame. At the very bottom of the WFTDA website is the link for Rules. Print out everything – the ref hand signs, the verbal cues, track layout, too. You’ll need it all eventually, and it’s awfully nice to be able to just whip out a binder rather than search a tiny app on your phone. (My “wife” and I go back an forth because she has it on her iPad. I like to whip out my posty-note-filled and written-in paper copy when there’s a question or technical dispute and ask, “Where’s your iPad now?” Teehee.
    Ummm, gear. Everyone will have something different that they like. Some people are brand-specific, some people mix-and-match. You’ll hear allllllllll about it in the coming weeks and you’ll order something and maybe love it, maybe not, talk to other skaters, see what they like and why, maybe try it, maybe not.
    I am still using my Killer 187 knee and elbow pads from my initial Rookie Pack from Sin City Skates. The knees are bulkier than I want anymore, but I keep buying wheels instead of new kneepads. There are SO many different kinds of protective gear out there that your head will spin. Because I am a sweaty work-out girl, the less neoprene the better for me, which is why, as much as I like the Smiths and the new Atom Armor 2.0, I won’t spend the money on them. TOO. MUCH. FABRIC. That would mean disgusting puddle of sweat for me.
    For wrist protection I have Triple 8 Hired Hands. They’re leather fingerless gloves with the steel splint. Kinda stinky but I havent scraped up my hands falling outside or on Sport Court yet.
    My helmet is a Triple 8 Brainsaver. I wear a bandana underneath not to look cool but to keep the sweat from pouring into my eyes. You can buy the helmet with the “Sweatsaver” that velcroes in to absorb sweat, but to me that’s just gross because frankly, I don’t know anyone who has washed theirs YET. I’d rather whip a do-rag off and toss it in the laundry (plus, you can buy crazy fun-patterened bandanas).
    A cheapy mouthguard will do for now, but I guarantee you will become frustrated with poor fit, discomfort and inability to talk with one in. ANd if you take it out to ask a question, I promise somebody will yell, “MEAT! Get your mouthguard in!” ProTech. I swear by it, and it comes with insurance in case of injury. I have two, a purple one and a white one. Brush any mouthguard just like you brush your teeth or it will get funky.
    Have fun tonight and remember! if they bite, bite back harder.

  5. says

    Kick some butt! Have fun! Can’t wait to hear the details. I admire you for taking on the derby– life is too short not to do it!
    P.S. Love the new site design. Incredible!

  6. Jacquie says

    Where does a person go in Ithaca to watch you participate in the Roller Derby? And, GOOD FOR YOU! Love ya sweetie!

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