In Pursuit of Crazy Eyeris: Gotta Have Faith

You know the scene in Jerry Maguire where Jerry thinks he has finally signed the number one NFL draft pick, and he has practically killed himself doing it? Now he’s driving down the road and totally jamming out to Tom Petty’s “Free Falling.” He’s totally overwhelmed and thankful, and more than a little on the edge of just not being okay.

I had that moment last night.

I’ve had an incredible couple of days. As you already know, I’m the kind of person who envisions the prize and goes for it. The latest incarnation is Roller Derby, but previous to that, which is still a work in progress, has been figuring out what I want to do with my life.

This is the short version, if you can believe it.

I made the choice to leave work when Ben was born. It wasn’t even a choice. My job was great, but it wasn’t for me. And although the pay was more than I would get for any similar job in the area, shelling out two thirds of it for childcare and work expenses just didn’t make sense.

And I wanted to be with my baby.

And then I wanted more.

Skip over some other crap to me deciding a career in graphic and web design was the career for me. Feeling like I couldn’t justify more student loans, I’ve spent the last four-ish years learning. And practicing. And learning. And practicing.

And like Jerry Maguire, I put it all on the line. I have busted my ass and put it all out there. So I can have a better life and so my family can have a better life. Jerry hits it on the head when he says to Rod Tidwell, who ends up being his only client, and not the one he REALLY wanted, “You don’t know what it’s like to be OUT HERE for YOU! It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, OK?!” This has been so my life the last couple of years.

And so a couple of days ago I was presented with what might be an opportunity to not only earn money doing what I love, but to also learn from someone who has been in the business for many years.

We’ll see how it goes, but just the fact that my work and knowledge was validated, and I was wanted for something I want to do made me giddy. Made me cry. Made me want to throw up!

Couple the last few days of amazing career possibility with my nervousness and excitement over my first Roller Derby open practice last night, and I was more of a mess in a dress than I realized.

I realized how on edge I was when I found myself on the way to Derby practice, blaring George Michael’s “Faith,” singing loudly and terribly, and banging on the steering wheel. And I will admit it, I was crying a little.

And then I flashed to Jerry Maguire, and I laughed at myself.

And then I was at Derby practice.

And I kinda sucked.

Everyone was so supportive, though. Many of the Derby girls who were running the practice had never skated before they started skating with ILWR. So they get it.

I will be okay. I will be great – eventually.

Because like Jerry Maguire, Crazy Eyeris puts it all on the line, and she doesn’t fail.

I just gotta have faith.

Do you have faith?