In Pursuit of Crazy Eyeris: Down but Not Out

So, here’s what happened.

I panicked.

Remember how I went to the first open practice and was less-than thrilled with my “skilz?”

Well, things went downhill from there. In the week between open practice one and two, shit got crazy for me. Nothing huge, but just a lot of little things that made it feel like this is NOT the right time to be freshmeat.

First of all, as awesome as it is to feel like my professional life is on the brink of blowing up, it causes an upheaval in our family, and it’s up to me, I guess, to get a hold on managing work, family, and our home on the daily.

Second of all, my kids got sick. And I got tired. And I got sick. And guess what? That was over two weeks ago, and I’m JUST pulling out of it. Which is totally unheard of for me. I just don’t get sick.

Lastly, and totally, completely most important, I cannot go into fresh meat workshops without any skills. I mean, know thyself, right? I expected this would be an issue for me when I decided to jump in with both skates before the end of the summer. I thought I could make it work, but I just can’t.

So I’m back to the original plan. I need to do a lot of hard work on/with/by myself before I can jump into this. And I need to soak up as much Derby as possible.

ILWR is holding open practices and workshops all summer. Unfortunately I can’t start workshops until the end of August, since I will be away when both of the other two workshops start. But I CAN go to open practice again starting April 18th, and there are several throughout the summer.

So, more confidence and strength training for me until then. And I have been to a practice, so I know what to expect, and I know where to go from here.

I feel like I can better manage this path. Too much is happening all at once and what is supposed to be a good thing fore was becoming a source of stress. Not cool.

I feel good about this, but I have been hesitant to write about Crazy Eyeris because in a way I feel embarrassed, and like I’m letting everyone down. Like I’m copping out. I still want to be an inspiration!

So go ahead ya’ll, give it to me straight.


  1. says

    Yep, totally lost all respect. Will not be coming back to your blog. Such a disappointment.

    What?? Seriously??

    Are you kidding me. I’m right there in your corner, sista! I admire your courage to put it out there and let everyone know how you feel. It’s more brave to do that than to launch forward and crash and burn in the most important aspects of your life.

    There’s always three answers:
    1. Yes – do it.
    2. No – don’t do it at all.
    3. Not right now.

    Don’t be disappointed in yourself. I’m very proud of all that you’re juggling. Keep on keeping on, Laine!! :)

  2. says

    Awww you rock. I taught myself to inline skate. That is as far as I think I want to go with physical activity. The idea of doing roller derby just sounds too rough and tumble. I think attending bouts if that is what they are called would be fun.

    I even know a local woman who is on a team. I asked her to be a guest on my blog. I think the idea is rad just not something I am brave enough to attempt.

    Instead I look forward to getting better on ice skates and learning to ski eventually. I can’t even swim. I need to master basics before I go in for contact sports. I am not getting any younger and time stands still for no one.

    • Laine says

      I can’t believe you can inline skate! I would never even try that. I would probably break an ankle!
      Do you have a place you can learn how to swim?

  3. says

    Just the fact that you are thinking about practicing for roller derby makes you 137% more badass than I’ll ever be. Juggling parenting with checking the mail is too much for me some days. Sounds like you’ve had a lot going on and are still resilient and tough enough to keep pushing (elbow jabbing, roller skating, ankle tripping) along :)

    • Laine says

      Thanks Tori. Yes, I am trying to skate through life, but not the easy way!! LOL at juggling parenting with checking the mail. I do know what you mean!

  4. says

    I’m proud of you for recognizing that you needed to change up the plan instead of pushing yourself so as not to let anyone down.

    Derby isn’t just about rushing in hard and fast. It’s also about strategy. Congratulations on coming up with a winning strategy :).

    • Laine says

      Well thank you Jane! I do hope that I came up with a winner. I’m feeling confident, and today I’m getting back up on those skates!

  5. says

    The fact that you are still pursuing it is totally kick ass! And knowing when to slow down, to change the path to your goal, is an even better accomplishment. Congratulations, Crazy Eyeris!

  6. says

    Laine- It is inspiring when women make decisions that are right for themselves, their families, and the circumstances of their life rather than to fear failing others. That is real feminism. And it is real bravery to know what you need to do and to do it despite any outward or inward judgment. You’ll do it one day- and if you don’t- no one is going to be at your funeral lamenting that you let them down by not getting a beat down at derby because you were unprepared. :)

    • Laine says

      You know, Tricia, I think that is absolutely right about being real feminism, at least how I define it. Isn’t it great to be able to make the choice? “What’s right for my family AND for me? What are my priorities, and how do I manage them?”
      Anyway, thank you for your kind words. I am trying to be brave. It was really weighing on me, and I think I made the right choice!

  7. Kandi Koated says

    Been thinking of your journey and meaning to pop in to check on you. Shit got crazy around here too and I’ve not been doing lots of the things I mean to, like being a good friend and, oh, checking on your derby journey.
    Derby will eat up so much of your life that it’s just unbelievable. To know and respect that NOW is not the time for derby for you is perfectly respectable!
    Keep getting down with your bad self in your kitchen and go back when the time is right for you.

    • Laine says

      Kandi! Thanks for popping by. Yes, shit is totally crazy here. But I did get the rest of my gear a couple of weeks ago. And some outside wheels. My kid and I are going to start skating around the culdesac. I start workshops the first week in August!

  8. says

    Man, does this sound all to familiar?! In January I went to my first Fresh Meat practice. I stunk. Seriously.. I had no idea my leg strength had gotten so bad. Like you, having kids and responsibilities, I wasn’t able to follow through with my grand idea of being a roller girl right then. Its kinda heartbreaking to me. I want to do it. I have the desire, but who has all that extra time? And all the gear is sooo expensive.
    But, I am determined to give it a go again. Maybe not for another year, but I will do it.
    Good Luck!

    • Laine says

      Oh man, I’m so glad you found me! I’m still on a hold right now. But I’m going to get it going too. Determination is our friend, right?!
      I have some off-skate exercises my league emailed that I’m going to try. If you are interested I can get them to you!

  9. says

    Totally happens! And glad that you are now (from your more recent post) getting back in. Timing is hazardous with derby–I have played for five years, but off and on because I keep getting pregnant. (Apparently, my hubby things derby makes me hot.) So, it’s off and on and off and on depending on life and my uterus. Derby is like a part-time job that you pay to do, so making sure the time and everything works is so important! Glad you are doing it and making the choices in the timing that works for you!

    • Laine says

      Thank you! I’m so happy to have the support from people who understand. I feel like I make excuses, but life is life, and trying to fit it all in is tough. Thank you so much for your support and may the force of your hotness and uterus be with you! :)

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