Epic mommy fail

Here’s the setup

We are a one car family. Which is great for the environment and our perpetually empty bank account, but it kind of, okay, really sucks. But we make do. My husband car pools to work a couple days a week and I make arrangements to have all the doctor appointments, errands, etc. fall on the days I have the car. Our son started kindergarten this year and although there is an option to bus, I decide we will walk to school! First of all, the school is fairly close. Second, I’m not ready for him to take the bus. Okay, I said it. Sometimes I’m “that mom.” Lastly, I see this as my opportunity to finally get the exercise I really, really need. Here are the facts, folks. There’s a lot of jelly in this belly and I’m fairly certain my muscles have started to seize.

So all of this walking crap is great. Except I get up at the ass crack of dawn to settle in at my dining room table to work. Which means, walking or not, I have to come up for air and stop working to give us time to get ready and enjoy the morning. A task I am almost completely physically and mentally incapable of doing.

Fail #1: Complete Morning Breakdown

Fast forward to this morning, me screaming at people to get ready. The baby is screaming and throwing food. The boy wining about not being able to get his sweatshirt on and OMG a sweatshirt AND a jacket is SO uncomfortable! Yeah, he really said OMG. We finally get out the door and literally start running to school. We try to make it fun by playing red light green light, tag, and whatever else, but it’s just not working out to be a happy time. There is no bouncing back. I’m apologizing profusely and promising better mornings to come. The boy is reminding me of slip-ups from the past, which is quite frankly making me want to turn around and make him walk the rest of the way himself.

Finally, we get there. The teacher’s aids are all like, “hey, wow, look at your red cheeks from the cold!” And we are all like, “and yeah, the running!” hehehehawhawhaw. So I say to my kid, “don’t forget to tell your teacher I put money in your folder for ice cream Friday!”

Fail #2: Ice Cream

So the teachers at the door are all like, “yeah, we serve ice cream on Thursdays.” Me, kind of arguing a little, “I’m sure it said on the note that came home that ice cream is served on Friday.” I mean, come on, shouldn’t Friday be treat day? Sheesh.

Insert blank stares and slight shakes of head from teachers.

So I say to my son who is rather pathetically looking at me like I am the worst failure ever, “I’m so sorry buddy. You can have ice cream after school as a special treat okay?” This mildly satisfies him.

Teacher: “Well at least he said okay!”

Me: “Yeah, what can I say, he’s used to me.” And then I walk away and have to put on my aviators because I am crying.

Fail #3: The baby

So I pull myself together and get trucking. Just as I’m about to come to the place where I have to decide to take the short way or the long cut, the baby starts screaming. Again. She is not satisfied with any toys or the random leaves I give her. But, I take the long way anyway. Jelly in the belly, you know. And I really do need to also take care of me. Next time I have to remember to bring my iPod.

I’m not a bad mom (I tell myself) but I’m starting to realize I really suck at what should be super-simple mom no-brainers. What gives? I know what I need to do. I just have to do it.

Do you suck at super-simple mom no-brainers? Are you awesome at super-simple mom no-brainers? I would love to hear about it!

About Laine

Elaine GriffinElaine Griffin (a.k.a. Laine) is a freelance WordPress designer, content creator, and speaker. She brings her background as a sociologist, advocate, and educator, to her work and her writing, which has been featured on BlogHer and The SITS Girls. On The Laine List she spills her guts about life, motherhood, and balancing work and family. She also sprinkles in some fun recipe and cocktail posts. On Elaine Griffin Designs, she writes easy to follow tutorials about WordPress, social media, SEO, and blogging.
Working from her home office in Finger Lakes Region of NY, Elaine, a wine lover, also enjoys the beauty of living in wine country!

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  1. says

    Ok, so first, those are not failures. I’d call those successfully surviving! With THAT much on your plate, it’s impossible to have EVERYTHING in perfect order. Literally, I think it’s impossible. I’m 24 with no a wife and no kids and you’re doing WAY better than I do with simple things! So trust me, you’re doing great :)

    We’re pumped you’re on Livefyre! That was a very fun, refreshingly honest read…I enjoyed it! Definitely let me know if you ever need anything, I’d be more than happy to help!


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